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Vehix.com has these incredibly annoying commercials with three guys, two employees and a boss.  The boss always says something like, “Vehix.com helps thousands of people buy cars, how can we improve that experience?”

The first employee is meant to be ugly (not that any of them are attractive, but this one is especially not so much).  He says something stupid like, “Replace the mouse with a steering wheel, so it feels like you’re driving in your new car already.  And you can press the horn to change pages!” or “Free squeegee service!” (here some guy drops down from the ceiling and slaps a sopping squeegee on the guy’s laptop) or “New car smell comes out of the computer every time you change pages!” (he starts pressing the mouse button and something is spraying out of the back of his laptop screen).

The boss stares at him unamused.

The other guy is meant to be attractive (again he’s not really).  He always says the same thing: “Vehix TV.  Cool video test drives powered by Wheels TV.”

The boss’s eyebrow moves a little and his lips move a little.  He look stupid in general but this adds to it quite well.  Makes him look like he just wet himself or got a morphine shot.

Either way…  At least the ugly loser is being original.  Although the boss must be on the same monothought wavelength of the other guy – round about the third time that the other guy said the same thing, and that was the only thing that impressed him, you’d think the boss would stop asking.

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The Kia Rondo has precision steerology. Probably created from thinkisms.

The new Mercury car commercials need to try some variety, the song is really getting annoying, especially considering they only play the same 25 seconds of it. The song is called “nth degree” by Morningwood. But, the best use of it yet is in the commercial where the tall lady with the square chin is with some nerdy guy. The commercial plays out like they work together.

He has is iPod out as they walk out the door and she says, “If we take my Mercury, you can plug that right in.” (As though this is the only car that has this unique feature.)

That’s not the good part. The good part is when he plugs in his iPod and it’s that same song. This song is… gay. I don’t mean that derogatorily. I mean if you are a male who likes wearing fluffy pink things this may be the song for you. This is the song that bouncy, giggling nine-year-old girls listen to while sitting around and screeching about crushes on the “older” eleven-year-old boys.

Not a grown man on the way to a corporate meeting.

It’s one thing for the tall skinny lady with the square chin wandering around telling you to put Mercury on your list with this song in the background. But, come. on. He does seem immature, but nine-year-old girl-immature? Not quite.

There’s some diet pill called Nutrisystem. There are testimonials on every commercial from some skinny people with probably photoshopped fat picture of them, and they all say something about how great the diet pill worked for them.

One woman says: “My husband loves my new body, in fact, he jokingly calls me his trophy wife.”

Yea. Jokingly. Keep telling yourself that.