Helio. Don’t call it a phone company, don’t call it a phone. Puke.

I get the marketing idea. In a way, it’s the right idea. Set yourself apart from the rest of the industry. That’s the entire point of advertising – to come up with an image, a tagline, a gimmick that separates you, makes people remember you. It just doesn’t make much sense to do it at the cost of intelligence.

I refer to my handy friend at Dictionary.com:

— tel · e · phone [teluh-fohn] noun, verb, -phoned, -phon · ing.
–noun
1. an apparatus, system, or process for transmission of sound or speech to a distant point, esp. by an electric device.

–verb (used with object)
2. to speak to or summon (a person) by telephone.
3. to send (a message) by telephone.

–verb (used without object)
4. to send a message by telephone.
Also, phone

— cel · lu · lar phone [selyuh-ler fohn]
-noun
1. a mobile telephone system using low-powered radio transmitters, with each transmitter covering a distinct geographical area (cell), and computer equipment to switch a call from one area to another, thus enabling large-scale car or portable phone service.
Also, mobile phone.

com · pa · ny [kuhmpuh-nee] noun, plural -nies, verb, -nied, -ny·ing.
-noun
7. a number of persons united or incorporated for joint action, esp. for business: a publishing company; a dance company.

I’ve left the other 16 irrelevant definitions for company out – there was no point in slogging through that.

Now. I haven’t personally encountered any Helios. However, I am going to assume that this product is an electronic device that transmits sound and speech to a distant point. Further, I’m also assuming that this product uses low-powered radio transmitters that cover a distinct geographical area and computer equipment to transfer the call from area to area. I’m certain, based on the commercials, that it is portable and can be used in a car.

As for the distributor, two clicks on the website takes me to the “Company FAQ.” I’m going to assume the company consists of multiple people, and as per their site, they are incorporated (LLC). Creating and distributing this product is probably a joint venture, as I doubt it could be done by one person.

So… It’s a phone. From a phone company.

And would you look at that. I said it and no one had an emotional breakdown, I didn’t get eaten by a whale, no frenchman stabbed me with a fork, or any other such nonsense.

Get over yourselves. Your commercials are annoying.

On top of that, your phone posts to MySpace. Nuff said.

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